Tuesday, February 9, 2010

A Score and Two More

This has now become a tradition, hasn't it? I may not write other posts (which, FYI, are pending in my edited posts list, waiting to be finished and packed off to adorn this blog) but I will never deter from religiously writing my birthday posts! It's about 22 days before I turn 22 (and Sneha, I have now turned immune to your taunty aunty comments!) and I have found 22 habits that doubt my actual qualifications of being 22. nevertheless, I shall consciously resolve to work on them to make my 22nd as successful as my 21st! (Which I have to admit, has been a brilliant year for me!) Warning, HIGHLY narcissistic post coming up! Read This and This for further reference!

22 things I should keep in mind before going forth and acting crazy --

1) Hurrring pigeons: (you know, shooing them away in a filmy style) I promise that the next time I visit Connaught place, I resolve to restrain myself from hurring them pigeons out of little nooks where they nibble on seeds and sunbathe in tranquility. My devious deeds have been caught by the pigeons and they now follow me home just to bless my car with their digestive confetti immediately after I choose to hurr them away!

2) Taking shorter and Narrower U Turns: Ahem, if you were in class the day I recited this incident (with diagrams and drama) about almost ramming sidelong into a poor unsuspecting Santro just because I thought the road was my red carpet and I could turn wherever, then you would know why this figures right at the top of this list. I still need to apologize to all the unsuspecting passengers who sit in my car, little knowing that their journey may actually beat the scariest roller coaster invented by man, machine or fiction.

3) Thinking before talking: This again applies to the millions of faux pas I have committed in college just because I end up sounding like a seedy person when all my conversations seem to have a double entendre to them. That would probably explain why my theory on disposable lens became the most talked about expletive for almost a week on facebook. And honestly? I still don't get the drift! I am naive ok? And no, I did not mean what I said in a dirty way. It's not my tongue that's dirty, it's your mind.

4) Cutting down on Samosas: Okay, so they're available at an irresistibly low price of Rs.3! But really, that cannot mean that I can gorge on them until I begin to resemble one. Beginning with my twenty second year, I resolve to drastically reduce eating Sammys (sigh, we have a pet name for the delicious piece of heaven too!) and utilize my beautiful, serene campus for walking, not binging.

5) Singing Notes while Washing Clothes: Yeah, this is a rare disorder that only occurs to people who do not get a good enough platform for showcasing their nightingale notes to the world. It began at Google, where the maids at our apartment would gather to watch my performance silently every Sunday morning as I belted out number after outdated and mushy number. But that hasn't stopped me from continuing the habit. If you're in the vicinity and you hear a distorted voice that is singing out lyrics all wrong (mostly made up by my creatively insane mind -- and ALWAYS rhyming), you know I'm in my own washing machine!

6) Traveling in public transport in solitude and bragging about it to everyone: The first part of this habit is good. I have always traveled in public transport in Bangalore and never had anyone to commend me about it. But traveling alone in the Metro/Auto or Bus in Delhi makes me feel like I've won the National Championship for, well, Traveling Alone or whatever. It's crazy, but I always get this feeling of having achieved something...and I look around with a smug expression often thinking 'Hah to all you suckers who think it's boring to travel alone'.

7) Laughing at the ignorance of North Indians when it comes to South Indian Cuisine: For the last time, it's Sambaaaaar. Not Sambur. And it is often taken with Idly and Chutney. NOT samosas, for crying out loud! I know it's fun to be innovative, but really? This innovative? And chutney is just chutney. Not 'nariyal ki chutney', 'white chutney' or even worse 'pista wala chutney'. They've all been used. Believe me. Also, while I'm at it, we are Tamilians, Kannadigas and Malayalis. Not people who speak 'South Indian'. There are 4 states south of the Vindhyas. Kindly look up the political map (google it) and then come talk to me about my home town. Oh, and also, I can speak Kannada (which is a language, not a restaurant), and not Karnatak (which, if spelt correctly, is a form of classical music.) Oh well. I'll stop now.

8) Laughing at my Mother's Hindi (or any other South Indian's Hindi): It ain't an easy language to learn my friend. The river is a female, but a lake is male. A mispronounced syllable converts a food item into profanity. Really, when I used to point and laugh at my mother struggling with Hindi numbers, little did I realize that it will all come back to me as I try in vain to figure out what 'dedh' and 'dhai' is. (I think dhai is 1 and a half. Or is that dedh?)

9) Telling everyone about my book: Okay. So someday I want to write a book. But SOMEDAY. Not today as soon as I rush back from college or whatever. Hence, it makes zero sense in telling the whole world about what a fantastically popular author I intend to become (Ha ha - it almost sounds like I'm plagiarising Chetan Bhagat's thoughts here.). First, I shall seek out adventure in life. Then it shall seek me. Then we'll sit and write about it. Till then, the only book I need to go near is my textbook...where did that go again?

10) Squealing and Pointing at Aloo Chat: So it was the greatest dish invented by the Delhite. Honestly, Aloo Chat should be made our national dish. The bleak ray of warmth that emerges from a spicy and chatpata Aloo Chaat on a cold winter morning can kick away even the worst of Seasonal Depressive Disorders....speaking of which...

11) Cribbing about the Weather: It's called Extreme temperature. Summers - Very Hot. Winters - Very Cold. Spring - Very..well..Springy (One drive around Chanakyapuri and you'll be covered with blossoms of a million hues!) and Autumn - Very windy. There is no such thing as a 24 degree life (Ah, How I miss you, my perfectly weathered Bangalore!) Really. Just when I start living in this city, it has to record the highest temperature in Summer, the most rainfall and the coldest temperature in winter - ALL in one freakin year! :-( Why are you people still using plastic? Don't you see the ghastly effects of global warming happening in this city?

12) Staring into Space: I've mentioned this before, yes. But this time I really need to curb the habit. I'm twenty two. When the space is replaced by people, I end up staring at them. People will now wonder why I am staring at them so seriously and start taking wrong hints. Especially that bus driver of 724 (What? I was seeing your speedometer and imagining myself driving such a gigantic but dilapidated bus, you moron!)

13) Liking all movies: Isn't it about time I started to find my own niche in movies and prefer one genre over another? Okay, so I'm all for Armageddon type outer space action and What's Your Rashee type slapstick comedy. I just like all movies. And I'm the world's worst review machine possible. Rajeev Masand, take a bow. And all my friends out there who are waiting in line to beat me up for having recommended Pyaar Impossible (It was a nice movie, ok?), take heart. I'm trying sincerely to change that habit.

14) Diversify Literature: Ladybird Series: Check. Roald Dahl:Check Enid Blyton: Check. Chicken Soup/John Grisham/Jefferey Archer/Robert Ludlum/Arthur Hailey: Check Sweet Valley/Baby Sitter's Club/Bridget Jones/and all the other Chick-Lit that I am addicted to: Chick! Mary Higgins Clark: Check. Classics: Check Urgh. I've read every type of fiction possible. I really need to find another author to devour or I'll go mad with repetition! Stephen King, anyone? Fits the mood, doesn't it?

15) Try to anatomically stop my face from turning RED: It gives me away, and I think Rudolf will come looking for me sometime soon to substitute for him. It begins with my ears, and then my nose....and finally my cheeks. I'm brown, and if my face turns red, it ain't a pretty picture. But if a teacher asks me a question, if I'm driving, if everyone is staring at me suddenly, if I'm lying.....IT ALWAYS GIVES ME AWAY! :-( Maybe I'll grow out of it this 22nd?

16) Stop being an Oreo Cookie fanatic: OC (yes, it has a nickname too - oh well, at least it's better than calling that teenage depressive manic serial OC). So anyway, OC doughnuts, OC milkshake, OC with cream, OC with Ice Cream. OC with EVERYTHING! Give me a meal of Aloo Chat and Oreo cookies, and you've earned a fan for life! :-D Oh...right. The idea was to give up the fanaticism. Oh well. Okay, maybe just one teeny tiny cookie......

18) Flinching at Profanity: The whole world swears. And although I personally think that the people who dabble with profanity honestly don't have a good vocabulary and hence are substituting syntax with f words and the like. But I still cant stop flinching every time someone uses the words. Someone in my mind goes Ushhooo...that was a bad word! I've tried real hard not to react when people have tennis matches with verbal expletives. But dude, it just doesn't work! I feel like telling them all to go read a dictionary!

19) Seeing silly reality shows on television for the mere purpose of dissing them later: This is a really serious one. I should stop watching reality shows. Period. And switch over to Aastha Channel or somewhat if I really want some catharsis. This overt voyeuristic habit has turned me into a cynic of reality. I almost expect someone to step inside my house and tell me that they won't vote for me if I don't clean my room or something!

20) Bugging people to go to museums/art galleries/book fairs/historical monuments and 'exploring' the city: I love all of that dude! I mean, Historical Monuments are the coolest things that happened to Delhi since the Mughals...or even earlier. It is but natural to want to see them all, no? Who needs to go to a blatantly commercialized building that reeks of materialism and extravagant consumerism? (Uh, I mean a mall). I think my purpose in life now has one more propagandist agenda (My most favorite one being 'Yelling at people who waste food by reminding them of the plight of the Sub-Saharan African children.) I will now encourage people to visit the National Museum. It is one of the best museums I've seen in a long time, and I don't see why people cant spend more time there, and learn about the country while..........okay...time to stop, I guess :-)

21) Fooling Around by writing posts like this when exams are a cat's whiskers away: Yeah. But don't blame me for having a birthday in exam-ridden March! After years of school exams, bored exams and semester exams, I've discovered my favorite mode of passing time between studying for subjects. So I guess I'll just continue doing this every year. (Oh dear, I'll have to start being more creative though. I mean, it's not like my reasons will get any lesser with each year right?)

22) Actually following all of these....who am I kidding? I'd probably read through conscientiously the first couple of months, and then this post becomes archived while my habits get revived! :-D

Yay!! Now that the craziness is purged out of me - Happpy Birthday!!! :-) (To me only!)