I'm not 27, I'm just 9, three times over

The customary budday post turned 7 this year! I'm breaking the tradition since I'm coming up with this *after* the birthday. Let's face it, I'm old. I've now crossed over to the dark side of the 20s, so before I get more melancholic, I'm going to treat this post as an ego-massage therapy to my "Post 25 traumatic stress disorder".

About seven years ago, I'd have never imagined I'd be where I am today - so I'm going to make this delightfully narcissistic and talk about 27 milestones (some significant, some completely random) in the past 27 years. (I promise that each is only a line long. Or thereabouts.) 

1. Keeping a blog - even if that means writing only one self-obsessed birthday post a year, such as this one. 

2. Working in a software company - Yup, when you can't beat 'em, join 'em! After years of being mean towards the techies who've infiltrated my dear old city, I became one of them - ah the joy of discovering Mac! (And I now know that Github and Heroku aren't ancient east Asian civilizations)

3. Quitting work in a software company - It's easy to get carried away with the bright and shiny life of Macs, but it takes a little more courage to leave it behind and follow the heart. I'm trying that now, so let's see where that takes me

4. Acting in a play - And turning up in the front page of the supplement newspaper! And I had absolutely no stage fright (well, mostly because they made me take my glasses off and I could've been acting in front of a group of flamingos and I wouldn't know) 

5. Travelling to Africa - Why does this matter? Because I had to get a yellow fever shot for the visa - and if you've seen me around needles then you know this is a big deal. Not to mention a solo international plane ride *shudder* 

6. Driving in three cities of the country - Seven years ago, I was too chicken to drive in my own road. And now, the people around me are too chicken to come in my way. Hah. (Or so I'd like to think)

7. Going on an all girls international backpacking trip - Buongiorno Italia! An unforgettable experience of living life on a shoestring budget, without knowing what the next day brings for you 

8. Learning the art of video editing and subtitling - You never know where a skill might come handy, even if you've picked it up in recording studios that inhabit the dusty lanes of Kollywood 

9. Cooking 3 edible meals a day - While it's not gourmet variety, I've come a long distance from trying to fry bread in a microwave. And when all fails, 3 minute mug cakes FTW! 

10. Chasing a criminal and reporting him to the police - The world needs more people to stand up and fight the bullies, even if that means you live a few days in fear of vindication

11. Learning Zumba - Ok, so it lasted two days and I have the grace of a drunken panda, but it's definitely something I want to try out again! 

12. Training for a marathon - ...that I haven't yet run, but just the training process has inflated my ego enough to act like I'm a pro already

13. Growing out of superstitions - Well, most superstitions...unless I see that mail van on the road *zips lips*

14. Firing a machine gun - A real, alive and kickin machine gun! In a shooting range! With real bullets! *So* cathartic. Imma build myself a range in the house for particularly long traffic-ridden days

15. Accidentally propositioning two German men - Hey, vanakkam and wanna come sound the same. Yes, they do

16. Getting chased by a turkey - Nasty, nasty birds

17. Walking into a murder scene with the killer standing behind - Yes, this happened and no, it wasn't for real. I'm sure if I'd seen the film crew and camera I would have reacted in a more dignified manner. Screaming and running out like a headless chicken *may* not have been the best solution

18. Prank calling an eve teaser - Well, he did leave his number and asked us to call him, maybe? Next time, I'll etch the number in a public loo and write call 4 a gud tym

19. Chasing a train - And catching it in the nick of time. And doing this way before Jab We Met made it cool

20. Swallowing my grandpa's diabetes medication, a naphthalene ball and some shrink wrap - All at various points in my life, but the diabetes shenanigan was when I was 3, and it resulted in a diet of sugar syrup and Cadbury's chocolates for 10 hours to ensure I didn't slip into a coma. What a bundle of joy I might have been to the parents ;)

21. By-hearting the lyrics to random Hindi/Bhojpuri/Kannada/Tamil/Telugu/Malayalam songs -  Because that's what one must do to accrue a multicultural personality while growing up

22. Becoming a tea connoisseur - from cherry to hibiscus, I'm now a fan of teas made from fruits, flowers, leaves and bark. According to my folks, I may as well just drink a garden

23. Undergoing a technology cleanse - The reason for my late blogpost? I've stayed away from a laptop for the longest time, coming back only when I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown due to the lack of a proper keyboard on that imbecile of a phone

24. Writing poetry - From the slapstick birthday poems to more serious ones, there's probably a reason why my friends call me VaishKavi (and yes you guys, you'll get your last year's poems soon)

25. Getting nearly blown into the Niagara river during a snowstorm - Because you know, what better time to visit the Niagara Falls than during a polar vortex?

26. Making the best group of friends ever - From legendary birthday celebrations to surprise bachelorette parties - these guys have played a huge role in what I am today (and in a lot of the aforementioned shenanigans) - so if you're yawning through most of these because you know them already, then you're in this group :)

27. Getting married - Probably the biggest coup to have pulled off against my brain (that still believes I'm 23). You know you're in the right place when marriage doesn't make you feel like you're old and dull. 27 is, after all, just a number. :)

So far, so good! 

The Birthday Alphabet

I've broken the tradition. I've finally forgotten how to count and I can no longer start this post with the lines...26 days to go before I turn 26. Hm. Perhaps that's a good thing, and I can start a new tradition of successfully masking my age from now on.

*Quickly removes the year of birth from Facebook settings* 

Back to business. My annual budday post (annual in the literal sense, since the last post I wrote was my last year's budday post) will be in alphabet, the only concept I could associate 26 with. Here are 26 things are on my mind as I begin slipping to the older side of twenties. 

So not-so-young boys and girls, let's begin our A - B - C. 

A for Alarm Clocks, which aren't needed anymore...because I find myself waking up with the roosters. Despite having a wild night of reading a book and sleeping at ten. Yeesh. 

B for Bottoms up - that delightful tender coconut water straight out of the natural bottle. I know what you were thinking and no, it's not that.  

C for Cycling - which I need to start very soon, to counterbalance the calorie overload from cupcakes.

D for Doodling - a habit that's disappeared entirely, after my 100-page-single-line-ruled books have been taken over by a certain gentleman named Mac. 

E for Eengliss that we would destroy on purpose. Now my poor grammar jokes are not appreciated. Lolz, only. 

F for FTW - an abbreviation I've never used appropriately. Growing up, FTW! (right?) 

G for Gossip, giggling, goofing off and getting an endless supply of vitamin D from Garuda mall (you know who you are so get back soon!) 

H for Hashtags, because I have no idea why people use these but I find them #incrediblyamusing. And just for kicks, I'm just going to sprinkle a few here, quite randomly.

I for Iss sheher mein sab Kannada se zyaada Hindi bolte hain. I want to go back to 6th std where I used to hold my kannada textbook upside down and pretend I understood everything. #learnkannadayoushamelesspeople

J for Junk food - which used to symbolise cavities when I was ten...and now symbolises early onset diabetes and myocardial infarction. 

K for Kelsa (work, for the non-kannada folk) - a word that's changed so drastically this decade, from school kelsa to assignment kelsa to no kelsa and now actual kelsa kelsa. 

*******really tempted to cheat here and go L for Lemenopee? ******* ;) 

L for Loooong drives (ok, so it's only 6 kms but feels like an era has gone by) - these drives teach me to build character, personality, patience, perseverance, observe the world and manage anger effectively. 

M for Monies - which comes very obediently to the bank every month...deluding me into believing I can totally buy an island off the Caribbean in a few years from now. 

N for Ninajji - a phrase that's not befitting a 26-year-old-to-be at all. But I still giggle if someone uses it. 26 is old aa? Thoo, ninajji. :D 

O for Orange feet - you know who you both are, so this is for us, our whackiness, our long lasting friendship and years of hilarious whatsapp conversations  (of who married who, when, where, why and most importantly, what was the food?)

P for Phoren land - which I've now seen, experienced and liked...but saare jahaan se achcha; Hindustan hamaara.

Q for Quixotic Witter needs to be revived! (if you're wondering what Quixotic Witter is...scroll up and read my blog's title. Yup, it's changed. And now needs some love so you can spend the rest of the day being utterly unproductive and reading up ALL about my life) :P

R for Rekindle that habit of reading! Seriously, all I read these days are restaurant reviews on Friday's supplement paper. Appalling, for a worldly-wise-26-year-old-to-be.

S for Shishters of mine, scattered all over the world. We may grow old and wrinkly, but we'll always give them young 'uns a run for their monies. Glove you all. #iheartyouall

T for Tan-tana-tan-tan-tan-tara, chalti hai kya nau se baraah - an ode to reviving the watch sidey movies and laugh your pants off tradition.

U for Uff, this post is so long I need to start winding up. #endcomingsoon

W for Whatte wonderphul 25 years it's been. I'll keep ploughing through the rest with the same amount of excitement. :) #feelingsuperduperexcited

V for Valentine's Day, a day when all people drowning in louue go out to exclaim it. And here I am, writing my budday post diligently. Some things never change.

X for Xanthippe, because I want to end this post with a vague, unheard (but erudite) sounding word. Also, it beautifully describes me (rude, ill tempered woman) when I'm around autos/auto drivers/auto-anything. #complicatedlatinwords,FTW!

Y for Yo Yo Honey Singh, which I will criticize, rant and diss for the rest of my life...but will never be able to resist singing his songs when I'm alone in the car (aaj blue hai paani paani paani paani, anyone?) 

Z for Ze End! Happy-budday-to-me! :) 

The Silvered Quarter

My birthday hits the silver jubilee this year. I’ve always associated silver jubilees with college buildings, aunty-uncle anniversaries, steel cupboards and vintage cars. I suddenly feel like these things are my contemporaries. 

But as they (they = clichéd facebook posts that I usually snort at) say: Growing old is inevitable, growing up is not. I'll continue the tradition of my eccentric birthday posts.

It's twenty five days for me to turn twenty five and here are the top twenty five things I simply *must* do in my twenty fifth year. 

25. Eat more custard apple. Did you know I tasted this marvellous fruit for the first time only a few months ago? Now that I've emerged from the blackhole of weirdness, it's time I ate it more often.

24. Outgrow my Cadbury's dairy milk wrapper collecting habit.

23. Feed a squirrel. I've always been squeamish about going near squirrels...a swish of their tails can make me scoot faster than you can say 'squirrel'. 

22. Figure out why and how people use mascara. And eyelash curling thingamajigs. 

21. Use my geometry box compass and poke the next biker who hits the side view mirror of my car in a traffic jam. 

20. Treat at least one Monday of each month as a Friday, and wake up with the same amount of joy. 

19. Stand in the balcony at midnight and look at the stars. Without imagining that Ali Baba and his coterie of thieves are looking at me from down below (What? It's possible. Very possible).

18. Walk upto a random uncle/aunty and go "Kya aapke toothpaste mein namak hai?"

17. Read a book from the beginning and control the urge to find out whodunnit before hitting page 50. 

16. Re-read Harry Potter, Roald Dahl, P.G.Wodehouse, Enid Blyton and R.K.Narayan to rediscover the magic of books from childhood. 

15. Go on a coastal train journey, with strangers for company and drink kullad chai from the platform of a desolate station. 

14. Go on a flight that's longer than 2 hours, and contain panic attacks to a minimum of 4 (the current number shall not be disclosed, but I think 4's a reasonable start, thanksverymuch). 

13. Get over the superstitious 13 quirk. 

12. Watch a movie in a theatre without shedding a single tear (as unlikely as it may seem). 

11. Learn enough Tamil to understand the lyrics of at least 2 A.R.Rahman songs, without singing them wrong and making a fool of myself (there's a song where I was convinced the singer wanted his ladylove to clone his heart and eat them both).

10. Dance in stilettos. 

9. Start treating babies as babies...and not uhm..child psychology practical subjects on whom neo-natal reflexes can be tested. 

8. Stay up an entire night and watch old sitcoms, with cheese maggi as my companion

7. Ride a bike. And a macho-type bike at that. 

6. Cook an edible meal that doesn't consist of bread-butter-jam or cheese maggi. Or last night's rasam rice. Or curd rice. Or just chips and pickle. 

5. Use my diary to write profound, worldly experiences...not stinky rants about people I'm irked with. 

4. Go for a long early morning dewdrop sprinkled walk at least twice a month, waking up before the sun and watching the city come alive. 

3. Stop seeing Facebook newsfeed every morning and panicking about how two more people have posted engagement pictures...and I'm headed for the Oh no, I'll turn 77 and live in Florence with all my cats life. 

2. Talk less, talk less and talk less. 

1. Treat turning twenty five as vibrant, not archaic. I'll be crossing a quarter of my life (here's where my overenthusiastic optimism chimes in and tells me I'll live to a ripe old age of 100, despite my potato-chip lifestyle)...and it's been a fabulous journey so far. 

A silver strand or two ain't so bad after all. 

Two and Two Squared

Twenty four days left for me to turn Twenty Four. Sigh. If the plans I hatched over a decade ago had worked out, I should've been happily married to Daniel Radcliffe, with a couple of Harry-Potteresque kids along the way by now. But life (or the delusional one I had back then) changes. And now I get to write this ridiculously long Birthday Post instead! (Don't blame it on my narcissism. Blame it on my age.)

So. When I hit the Second Decade of my life, I wasn't ready for it. A Year Later, I made a wishlist, that, miraculously, came halfway true at least (have you read the bizarre things on it? I'm surprised even some of them were met!). After That, I listed out my eccentricities (because, you know, they're not that obvious at all.). And finally, Last Year, I resigned myself to growing old.

After the hyperlink infested paragraph, I come to this year. With the Grammys (No, that word does NOT mean a couple of grandmothers and I'm capable of being musically knowledgeable too.) being in the news, I decided to give this year's lengthy list a new melody. This is the soundtrack of my life. A playlist, if you must, with the songs that keep recurring dangerously in my mind, thanks to odd situations they represent. (After twenty four years, I've realized that 'odd' is ordinary in my life.)

24. 'I have a Dream', Abba - I have the weirdest dreams. Seriously. When I was sixteen, I dreamt that a classmate of mine from college was a serial killer and I was his next target. The dream was so life-like, I actually avoided the poor boy like the plague until I graduated! This year, I'm going to turn this song back to what it originally was. And maybe ping the chap if I see him online (oh dear. That means I'd have to unblock him first.)

23. 'If you're not the One', Daniel Bedingfield - Does anyone else read Daniel Bedingfield and wonder if he's sitting on a mattress in the middle of a paddy farm? Oookay. Maybe not. So this song used to play over and over again in my head, only because I had no one to sing it to and wallow in heartbreak. I still don't. But I wonder sometimes, if people really do feel as emo as this dude felt.

22. 'Kitabein Bohot Si Padhi hogi Tumne, magar koi chehra bhi tumne padha hai?', Baazigar - Seriously. If one more person asks me if  I can read faces/minds/hands/feet/endocrine glands, I will push them off the rooftop of wherever we're standing. (I'll bet Shah Rukh did that to Shilpa Shetty for the same reason.) I'm a psychologist. Not a clairvoyant.

21. 'Be Happy', Aqua - Hehe, I just added this song because I really liked it. And I still do. Despite the balding Ken and the blue-mascaraed Chick and the very cheesy everythingelse. And sometimes, it just starts playing in my head and the day looks brighter.

20.  'Hot Child', Nick Gilder - I heard this song only a couple of days ago, and I can't get enough! It *totally* represents 2009, 2010 and 2011!

19. 'Can't get you out of my head', Kylie Minogue - I don't even like this song, but I can give you a handful of bizarre things that I just *can't* stop thinking about. My current obsession? Chocolate Bread.

18. 'Wuuudn't It be Luverly', My Fair Lady - Wuuuuudn't it be luverly if we got to eat Chocolate Bread for breakfast everyday?

17. 'Hips Don't Lie', Shakira - No, they don't, my friend. Not even when you've indulged in chocolate bread and hoped the calories would disappear as an early birthday present. Sigh.


16.  'I am sixteen, going on Seventeen', The Sound of Music - And I always will be. :) However old I get and however long and painstaking the birthday posts become.

15. 'Apologize', Timbaland & One Republic - Admit it. Even you've tried to hit the highest pitch on this song and attracted weird looks in a crowded market. If you haven't, then it isn't tooo laaaaate  to begin now. The stares people give you? Priceless.

14. 'Big Girls Don't Cry', Fergie - Haaah. Tell that to me in a movie theatre, as you try and waterproof your surroundings. Won't work. Now. Or ever. Movies were made so I'd cleanse my eyes. Even the slapstick, horrible, I-so-want-to-kill-the-guy-who-made-this type of movies.

13.  'Superstition', Stevie Wonder - I've heard this song, ok? I've not just randomly written it here because it fit the number and my personality.


12. 'Leaving on a Jet Plane', Justin Timberlake - If you don't already know about how my aerophobia has driven me crazy, then this title should explain it. And also, the fact the I like the Justin Timberlake version more.

11. 'Firework', Katy Perry - So I don't burst crackers because of child labour and environmental pollution. Doesn't stop me from singing this number like there's no tomorrow! (God help you, if you're around when I'm in the 'Firework' zone.)

10. 'Crazier', Taylor Swift - Does this need any more explanation?

9. 'Tu Cheez Badi Hai Mast Mast', RandomAkshayKumarMovie - Is it weird that every time I listen to this song, I think about a person being unnaturally obsessed with cheese?

8. 'Kal College Band ho Jayega', RandomEarlyDaysOfMr.BajajMovie - I want to go back. To college. And sing this song around the green trees and wide roads...and stick my tongue out at that rude librarian.

7. 'FunkyTown', Lipps Inc. - Because I feel like dancing every time I hear it. (And that's usually a rare phenomenon. The dancing, I mean.)

6.  'Hey, Soul Sister', Train - Best. Song. Ever. For the best soul-sisters ever. :) This includes the Foo Foos, The Glove and the gang of gal pals I've had all through my life. Also, best Bathroom song ever. Seriously. I could win a Grammy with this one and a soundproof shower.

5. 'Jaane Kyun Log Pyaar Karte Hain', Dil Chahta Hai - I've wondered this every single day of my life. (You know, when I'm not over-indulging in Mills and Boons. Which...uh...I only read on flights, of course. To combat the aerophobia. Only.)

4.  'Vaadi Vaadi Vaadi Vaadi Cute Pondatti', TamilMovieDon'tBeShockedIUnderstoodTheLyrics - okay, so the Youtube video had subtitles. But if all Tamil songs have such a kickass beat, I really need to brush up my language skills. (The last time I heard a Tamil song, I thought they were singing an ode to an egg. And the shame of it all? I speak Tamil at home. Or parts of it, clearly.)

3. 'Yeh Taara Woh Taara', Swades - Because counting stars on a moonlit night is the best way to forget all troubles in life. Instant dose of happiness, this gives me. (The counting, not the song.)

2. 'When You say Nothing At All', Ronan Keating - I'll bet a LOT of people feel like singing this to me. Or maybe you feel the same after having spent half your lifetime reading this post. Sometimes, I worry if God will tell me one day that I've finished up the quota of words I can talk in a lifetime. That can't happen....can it? I really should start talking less. :-/

aaaaand....we reach Numero Uno! So if you've survived this literary-ily challenged gabfest, and are two seconds away from murdering me in your minds for having wasted SO much time of yours....what can I say?  I was...

1. 'Born This Way', Lady Gaga. =) 

Happy Birthday To Me!

P.S. For further details about what to gift me, kindly contact in the comments page. I've activated comment moderation, so don't think I'll publish stinky opinions of what you'd like to get me instead. 

Twenty past Three

Okay, It's exactly twenty three days before I turn twenty three. And it is time for the customary Birthday Post!! So I've ranted about not wanting to turn old in when I Turned Twenty . At Twenty One , I wished for dreams that actually did come true...at least the practical ones! And then at Twenty Two , I went back to ranting about my age and how I should not be legally allowed to act it.

(Note: The title says Twenty past Three and not Three Past twenty solely because I'm only actually three years old, with twenty years of experience!)

So this year, I'll celebrate my age. So what if I'm turning 23? It's been a pretty fabulous roller-coaster ride so far, I might as well celebrate the age and look forward to growing wiser! So this year, I'll tell you (the two and a half people who manage to find time and read my blog), twenty three fabulous things of being old!

1) My book will be taken more seriously - Yes, I am writing a book (Read: A titled, nicely decorated word document that's been languishing in a secret folder for the past couple of months.) So the older I get, the likelihood of my finding out marvelous secrets about mankind and revealing them to the world increases.

2) I have stilettos. Okay, so I've been shouting out to the whole wide world that I have stilettos. But that *is* a big deal, if you haven't read my turning twenty post already and not figured out that I can never walk in high heels. But now, I can. Without tripping or ripping clothes with the hypodermic needle.

3) I can cuss, drive and swerve to avoid random people who've sent their brains grazing in the middle of Delhi roads. I can also hijack parking spaces, glare at others when it is my fault and use the horn to give a fire alarm an inferiority complex. While it has nothing to do with age, and more with road-rage, I've realized that people actually take me seriously and make way in awe. Or fear (since I still have the "L" board stuck on the car, nice and bright). Hm. Must. Take. Off. "L".

4) I can eat alone in a cafe without feeling awkward. If you've known me from school, I used to be this really clingy person who wouldn't even visit the loo without a friend accompanying me to the two minute walk down the corridor. I just *had* to chat with someone till there and back. But now, I roam free and alone through Delhi, stopping for a bite, without feeling like oh no there's no one to talk to what will I do sitting all alone here for the next five minutes. That's a big deal. (especially since the last time I tried to act all world-savvy and ordered myself a caramel-mocha in a cafe, I had a violent allergic reaction to coffee and had to frantically call my dad to come pick me up. So Cafe, yes. Coffee, no.)

5) I can cook. 'Nuf said. I have graduated from burning water to making Kadi Chawal and really good cheese omelettes. Next mission: Oreo Cookie Cheesecake.

6) I haven't stuffed my head inside pillows out of fear during the last horror movie I watched. But then again, that was Paranormal Activity. And I was almost half asleep, and since all they did in the movie was also sleep, I didn't really understand much of the door-slamming rituals.

7) I have graduated from wanting to marry Harry Potter or Ranbir Kapoor to Ted Mosby, from How I Met Your Mother. (What? Don't snicker. It *is* a big deal, ok? There was a time when I wanted to marry a certain doctor from a Hindi serial. I've really matured with sitcoms.)

8) Bargaining! They always take you seriously if you're old and bargaining. They consider you as the worldly-wise, well traveled arty woman who knows how much she should pay for any article of purchase. It's no wonder I love going to Sarojini Nagar and Dilli Haat these days!

9) I've retired from Facestalking. Yes, I've finally grown tired of Facebook. I haven't facestalked anyone since...well, yesterday, but that was only because my friend asked me to see that one picture and tell........oh well, you get the point. One entire day without facestalking is a HUGE improvement from the churlish compulsive voyeur I used to be.

10) A-Rated Movies! This time around, no one questioned my age when I went to watch No One Killed Jessica. Unlike the last time when I was taken *out* of the line and asked to show my ID over ten times to prove I was over 18. For The Da Vinci Code, of all the movies (which threw A ratings out of the museum and came on national television a year later anyway.)

11) Ordering weird sounding food in fancy restaurants! The servers actually think you've tasted it before and give you a look of respect. As a kid, they'd always give me a wary look thinking I'd ordered it just because I could spell it right. So, Penne Bolongaise, anyone?

12) I haven't torn one single pair of chappals since 2010 January. That is a HUGE deal, dude. Of course, I've pretty much lived in sneakers and converse shoes since then...but you know, sometimes I stare and they tear.

13) I don't care about the number thirteen being unlucky anymore! (Which is probably why I'm not writing down anything here for the fear it will get reversed or come perversely true or whatever.)

14) I'm addicted to Green Tea! I've graduated from the bournvita-fetish to better brewed, healthier and savvier options like Green Tea. (Uh, also because I'm allergic to coffee so I didn't have much choice.)

15) I can *finally* cut a lemon/orange/tomato the right way. (If you're wondering why that should be recorded here, why don't you go try cutting them and figure out which side you're supposed to cut so the maximum juice can be retained. Hah. Mortals.)

16) I can create scenes! Recently, this little girl tried to pickpocket me in the bus...not only did I catch her hand inside my bag, I even yelled at her mother loud enough to send them both scampering out of the bus. (and then felt guilty for days after because I had stopped the 'livelihood' of a young child by preventing her from stealing all my money and cards. Oh dear.)

17) What number are we on? How many more do I have to go? Is my memory already dwindling? Oh...next time I'll remember to forget incident 16.

18) Parents trust me with their babies! Okay, this has been happening since last summer, because I work with little kids anyway. But not only do parents *not* mind me carrying and playing with their kids, the older ones actually call me "doctor"... (well, that was after I put my foot down and refused to be addressed as 'nurse', 'sister' and 'behenji'.) :D

19) Alcohol doesn't affect me as much as it does other people! BIG deal about being old, I tell you. (Although, if I had tried it earlier, I would've still found this out.) But still, being tolerant to vodka gives me a strange power to watch others dwindling like silly-tunns around me and watching them wisely.

20) Yes, I've tried Alcohol. (If you're still gasping at 19 and wondering where that little kid who irritatingly resembled that other little kid from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai went.) And while it is something that I'm not exactly enamoured with (because it has, like *no* effect on me, dude.), I will still stick to my endless supply of Aerated water to keep me high. (I think my makers up in heaven got a lil bit confused and cross-wired my addiction connections.) Oh, and yes. My parents know. No room for blackmail.

21) I can, in fact, live by myself and not starve, burn the house, flood it, break things or, you know sell it accidentally. It's not like I've done these things before, but now the grown-ups trust me not to do it.

22) I can message fast! Almost as fast as I can type (which is fast dude, so much so that I ditched the idea of writing all this in my diary and put it up here instead, because I'd save time.) That's a big improvement, coming from someone who doesn't know, or really care, where her phone is half the time.

and finally....

23) It's good to be old because I'm ok with growing old! After attaining the wise age of 23, I will have post graduated. So move over, Beeyay Vaishnavi, Hello Yemmay, Vaishnavi! (ok. I'll keep this one in the sidelines until after I'm done with my dissertation, you know. Just in case.)

So here are twenty three reasons why I think it's cool I'm twenty three! *Finally* an attitude change about my age!

A Score and Two More

This has now become a tradition, hasn't it? I may not write other posts (which, FYI, are pending in my edited posts list, waiting to be finished and packed off to adorn this blog) but I will never deter from religiously writing my birthday posts! It's about 22 days before I turn 22 (and Sneha, I have now turned immune to your taunty aunty comments!) and I have found 22 habits that doubt my actual qualifications of being 22. nevertheless, I shall consciously resolve to work on them to make my 22nd as successful as my 21st! (Which I have to admit, has been a brilliant year for me!) Warning, HIGHLY narcissistic post coming up! Read This and This for further reference!

22 things I should keep in mind before going forth and acting crazy --

1) Hurrring pigeons: (you know, shooing them away in a filmy style) I promise that the next time I visit Connaught place, I resolve to restrain myself from hurring them pigeons out of little nooks where they nibble on seeds and sunbathe in tranquility. My devious deeds have been caught by the pigeons and they now follow me home just to bless my car with their digestive confetti immediately after I choose to hurr them away!

2) Taking shorter and Narrower U Turns: Ahem, if you were in class the day I recited this incident (with diagrams and drama) about almost ramming sidelong into a poor unsuspecting Santro just because I thought the road was my red carpet and I could turn wherever, then you would know why this figures right at the top of this list. I still need to apologize to all the unsuspecting passengers who sit in my car, little knowing that their journey may actually beat the scariest roller coaster invented by man, machine or fiction.

3) Thinking before talking: This again applies to the millions of faux pas I have committed in college just because I end up sounding like a seedy person when all my conversations seem to have a double entendre to them. That would probably explain why my theory on disposable lens became the most talked about expletive for almost a week on facebook. And honestly? I still don't get the drift! I am naive ok? And no, I did not mean what I said in a dirty way. It's not my tongue that's dirty, it's your mind.

4) Cutting down on Samosas: Okay, so they're available at an irresistibly low price of Rs.3! But really, that cannot mean that I can gorge on them until I begin to resemble one. Beginning with my twenty second year, I resolve to drastically reduce eating Sammys (sigh, we have a pet name for the delicious piece of heaven too!) and utilize my beautiful, serene campus for walking, not binging.

5) Singing Notes while Washing Clothes: Yeah, this is a rare disorder that only occurs to people who do not get a good enough platform for showcasing their nightingale notes to the world. It began at Google, where the maids at our apartment would gather to watch my performance silently every Sunday morning as I belted out number after outdated and mushy number. But that hasn't stopped me from continuing the habit. If you're in the vicinity and you hear a distorted voice that is singing out lyrics all wrong (mostly made up by my creatively insane mind -- and ALWAYS rhyming), you know I'm in my own washing machine!

6) Traveling in public transport in solitude and bragging about it to everyone: The first part of this habit is good. I have always traveled in public transport in Bangalore and never had anyone to commend me about it. But traveling alone in the Metro/Auto or Bus in Delhi makes me feel like I've won the National Championship for, well, Traveling Alone or whatever. It's crazy, but I always get this feeling of having achieved something...and I look around with a smug expression often thinking 'Hah to all you suckers who think it's boring to travel alone'.

7) Laughing at the ignorance of North Indians when it comes to South Indian Cuisine: For the last time, it's Sambaaaaar. Not Sambur. And it is often taken with Idly and Chutney. NOT samosas, for crying out loud! I know it's fun to be innovative, but really? This innovative? And chutney is just chutney. Not 'nariyal ki chutney', 'white chutney' or even worse 'pista wala chutney'. They've all been used. Believe me. Also, while I'm at it, we are Tamilians, Kannadigas and Malayalis. Not people who speak 'South Indian'. There are 4 states south of the Vindhyas. Kindly look up the political map (google it) and then come talk to me about my home town. Oh, and also, I can speak Kannada (which is a language, not a restaurant), and not Karnatak (which, if spelt correctly, is a form of classical music.) Oh well. I'll stop now.

8) Laughing at my Mother's Hindi (or any other South Indian's Hindi): It ain't an easy language to learn my friend. The river is a female, but a lake is male. A mispronounced syllable converts a food item into profanity. Really, when I used to point and laugh at my mother struggling with Hindi numbers, little did I realize that it will all come back to me as I try in vain to figure out what 'dedh' and 'dhai' is. (I think dhai is 1 and a half. Or is that dedh?)

9) Telling everyone about my book: Okay. So someday I want to write a book. But SOMEDAY. Not today as soon as I rush back from college or whatever. Hence, it makes zero sense in telling the whole world about what a fantastically popular author I intend to become (Ha ha - it almost sounds like I'm plagiarising Chetan Bhagat's thoughts here.). First, I shall seek out adventure in life. Then it shall seek me. Then we'll sit and write about it. Till then, the only book I need to go near is my textbook...where did that go again?

10) Squealing and Pointing at Aloo Chat: So it was the greatest dish invented by the Delhite. Honestly, Aloo Chat should be made our national dish. The bleak ray of warmth that emerges from a spicy and chatpata Aloo Chaat on a cold winter morning can kick away even the worst of Seasonal Depressive Disorders....speaking of which...

11) Cribbing about the Weather: It's called Extreme temperature. Summers - Very Hot. Winters - Very Cold. Spring - Very..well..Springy (One drive around Chanakyapuri and you'll be covered with blossoms of a million hues!) and Autumn - Very windy. There is no such thing as a 24 degree life (Ah, How I miss you, my perfectly weathered Bangalore!) Really. Just when I start living in this city, it has to record the highest temperature in Summer, the most rainfall and the coldest temperature in winter - ALL in one freakin year! :-( Why are you people still using plastic? Don't you see the ghastly effects of global warming happening in this city?

12) Staring into Space: I've mentioned this before, yes. But this time I really need to curb the habit. I'm twenty two. When the space is replaced by people, I end up staring at them. People will now wonder why I am staring at them so seriously and start taking wrong hints. Especially that bus driver of 724 (What? I was seeing your speedometer and imagining myself driving such a gigantic but dilapidated bus, you moron!)

13) Liking all movies: Isn't it about time I started to find my own niche in movies and prefer one genre over another? Okay, so I'm all for Armageddon type outer space action and What's Your Rashee type slapstick comedy. I just like all movies. And I'm the world's worst review machine possible. Rajeev Masand, take a bow. And all my friends out there who are waiting in line to beat me up for having recommended Pyaar Impossible (It was a nice movie, ok?), take heart. I'm trying sincerely to change that habit.

14) Diversify Literature: Ladybird Series: Check. Roald Dahl:Check Enid Blyton: Check. Chicken Soup/John Grisham/Jefferey Archer/Robert Ludlum/Arthur Hailey: Check Sweet Valley/Baby Sitter's Club/Bridget Jones/and all the other Chick-Lit that I am addicted to: Chick! Mary Higgins Clark: Check. Classics: Check Urgh. I've read every type of fiction possible. I really need to find another author to devour or I'll go mad with repetition! Stephen King, anyone? Fits the mood, doesn't it?

15) Try to anatomically stop my face from turning RED: It gives me away, and I think Rudolf will come looking for me sometime soon to substitute for him. It begins with my ears, and then my nose....and finally my cheeks. I'm brown, and if my face turns red, it ain't a pretty picture. But if a teacher asks me a question, if I'm driving, if everyone is staring at me suddenly, if I'm lying.....IT ALWAYS GIVES ME AWAY! :-( Maybe I'll grow out of it this 22nd?

16) Stop being an Oreo Cookie fanatic: OC (yes, it has a nickname too - oh well, at least it's better than calling that teenage depressive manic serial OC). So anyway, OC doughnuts, OC milkshake, OC with cream, OC with Ice Cream. OC with EVERYTHING! Give me a meal of Aloo Chat and Oreo cookies, and you've earned a fan for life! :-D Oh...right. The idea was to give up the fanaticism. Oh well. Okay, maybe just one teeny tiny cookie......

18) Flinching at Profanity: The whole world swears. And although I personally think that the people who dabble with profanity honestly don't have a good vocabulary and hence are substituting syntax with f words and the like. But I still cant stop flinching every time someone uses the words. Someone in my mind goes Ushhooo...that was a bad word! I've tried real hard not to react when people have tennis matches with verbal expletives. But dude, it just doesn't work! I feel like telling them all to go read a dictionary!

19) Seeing silly reality shows on television for the mere purpose of dissing them later: This is a really serious one. I should stop watching reality shows. Period. And switch over to Aastha Channel or somewhat if I really want some catharsis. This overt voyeuristic habit has turned me into a cynic of reality. I almost expect someone to step inside my house and tell me that they won't vote for me if I don't clean my room or something!

20) Bugging people to go to museums/art galleries/book fairs/historical monuments and 'exploring' the city: I love all of that dude! I mean, Historical Monuments are the coolest things that happened to Delhi since the Mughals...or even earlier. It is but natural to want to see them all, no? Who needs to go to a blatantly commercialized building that reeks of materialism and extravagant consumerism? (Uh, I mean a mall). I think my purpose in life now has one more propagandist agenda (My most favorite one being 'Yelling at people who waste food by reminding them of the plight of the Sub-Saharan African children.) I will now encourage people to visit the National Museum. It is one of the best museums I've seen in a long time, and I don't see why people cant spend more time there, and learn about the country while..........okay...time to stop, I guess :-)

21) Fooling Around by writing posts like this when exams are a cat's whiskers away: Yeah. But don't blame me for having a birthday in exam-ridden March! After years of school exams, bored exams and semester exams, I've discovered my favorite mode of passing time between studying for subjects. So I guess I'll just continue doing this every year. (Oh dear, I'll have to start being more creative though. I mean, it's not like my reasons will get any lesser with each year right?)

22) Actually following all of these....who am I kidding? I'd probably read through conscientiously the first couple of months, and then this post becomes archived while my habits get revived! :-D

Yay!! Now that the craziness is purged out of me - Happpy Birthday!!! :-) (To me only!)

Two Decades and a Dozen Months

It has been a year since I cribbed about turning twenty. This time however, I shall not rant. I shall instead, wish for a couple (okay, much more than a couple) of things that can possibly make me forget the fact that I am indeed turning twenty one. 

So here come the twenty one wishes (in random order) that can positively make my twenty first year a joyride. (quite literally, in one case.) 

1) Nigella Lawson!! Will someone please gag her, shove her and her larder in a big gunny sack and export her to Bangalore? Pretty please? Every time I watch her show, I drool so much that Pavlov and his dog must be giving me a standing ovation from up there. 

2) A customized BMTC bus that will appear miraculously in front of my college every time I think about going home. That way, I don't have to reach home in a grumpy mood after having broken my thigh bone by an 8 year old who decides my lap is more fun to dance on than maybe.....the floor of the bus? Most of the times, I love traveling by buses. It's one of these rare instances that completely spoil that joyride for me.

3) Delhi in Bangalore. I WANT Delhi in Bangalore. I miss Delhi so much, I can picture Evergreen ka chaatwalla in my dreams on particularly hungry nights....and days even. Bangalore is home, but Delhi is where a part of my heart still remains. Why cant I mix the two cities like that horribly sexist Axe ad?

4) Websites that don't give you the preview of an essay-that will be very useful for your English exam research-only to wait for you to scroll down and then scream out 'YOU CAN BUY THE FULL ESSAY FOR $8.59 ONLY!!!!' Really, computers are supposed to be the storehouse of knowledge, not a warehouse. 

5) Unlimited supply of Lay's Magic Masala. You know, the type that will not make you puke even if you crunch down 7-8 packs at a time. I can only go past one. The second one makes me queasy and the final one brings out the other two. :-( 

6) A Mindwriter. When I'm not yapping (on rare rare occasions), my mind is constantly yapping inside, if you get what I mean. I could probably write a really funny book with the kinda stuff I think...but I forget it all very fast. I wish I could have something that writes down everything that goes on in my mind only to read on a grey day.  Also, I wouldn't need to type this out so meticulously after forming grammatically correct sentences. 

7) A book wishing spell. It's like I really wish I have this book and POOF! It turns up! And if I get bored halfway (which sadly happened to a certain Russian Classic writer I was reading) then by wishing so, the entire book should be read without my knowledge. Just in case I need to show off that I've read the book, and quote a line or two, then it would be cool! 

8) Water bottles that don't get opened by anyone other than me. I'm stingy with water OK? I hate sharing water and believe it must be a fundamental duty of every citizen to bring their own freakin bottles to college so that my bottle doesn't get passed around like some purple toy. 

9) A Pizza cake. Has anyone ever made that? It would be nice though...with a pizza-ish filling and a crumbly crust with cheese as icing and olives as the sugar balls. 

10) A pair of Self-exercising shoes. I've given up trying to exercise a long time ago. Maybe I can get a pair of shoes that will promptly start exercising the moment they're worn. By me, that is. Or if someone can invent a wireless connection wherein other people exercising can burn my calories, then that would be perfectly alright. 

11) A security alarm for my Psychology notes and record. Something that will blare out if they have been displaced from my bag. Or maybe I should get them insured somewhere. 

12) A brand new memory! Something that will remember every face, book, movie, textbook and experience of my life. I've been getting rather cold looks from people I cannot place. Wait now, what is the mineral responsible for good memory? Is it Iron? 

13) People who laugh at my superstitions must be jinxed to immediately babble out one deep dark embarrassing secret of theirs. So I have a lucky (fine...and unlucky) song. And I believe in the 'One for sorrow Two for joy' crow thingy. It's worked for twenty years. I think that's good enough evidence to justify its miraculous powers, thanks. 

14) A backpack that can hold everything and still appear tiny. Hermione, are you listening? 

15) Contact lenses that scream out in agony when I try to put them in old solution. At least that way, I'll remember to change the solution every day. It really is tough with my memory and all. Honest. 

16) A mini planner executive person thingy in my mind that goes Go now to room 15, you have class there or Today is the last day of the extended version of your extended deadline to submit English assignment. FINISH it. It really would help. Most of the times, I seem to be floating in a parallel world with a dazed expression. Except, I am not romantic film heroine thinking of dream sequences with hero. I am generally thinking of what to eat next, or which notes haven't been completed, or something equally intriguing. 

17) An age changing potion. So that sometimes, when I feel I want to be pampered like a five year old by my family, I can go back to that age. Or if I want to watch TV like a 70 year old granny, then I can go forward in time. 

18) A mini chaat stall at home. I love chaat. Everyone should have chaat stalls at home. Its a pity the home made chaat never tastes like chaat. It just tastes...well...like its been made at home. 

19) An alarm clock that will alter the Greenwich Mean Time if I want to oversleep. That way, I'll never feel guilty for being late to any place. They're running on my time anyway. 

20) One of those mini retort books that will immediately tell me which smart ass comment I am supposed to make if I am rebuked by someone. In most situations, I end up standing befuddled and the person just walks away. I need to make a witty retort at that moment, not in my diary three hours later, or even worse, in my memory for at least 5 months. 

and finally, my twenty first wish for my twenty first birthday is -

21) To have all of this come true. Can it? Do you see that mail van anywhere? 

Two Whole Decades

Twenty days to go before I turn twenty. And here are twenty reasons why I am not old enough to be twenty.


1) I prefer the ‘if you don’t forward this e-mail then bad luck will persist’ mails to ones that I get from the British Council talking about post grad universities.

2) I like the colour pink. And will continue to do so. ‘Nuf said.

3) I like reading Enid Blyton books. I still smack my lips at the descriptions of the midnight feasts Darrell and her friends have at those boarding schools.

4) I run down half the flight of stairs and slide on the banister for the remaining half. And I get yelled at for almost breaking my bones. For the 1,56,734th time.

5) I still jump into a muddy puddle on a rainy day just to get my friend’s oh-so-pretty pair of shoes wet.

6) I watch Disney Channel incessantly. If Alladin’s Genie granted me three wishes, I would want Lizzie Mcguire’s mind, Hannah Montana’s voice and Raven’s psychic powers.

7) High School Musical is one of my favoritest movies. And I know most of the songs in the movie by heart.

8) I drink Bournvita whenever I’m in a bad mood. I live in the blind belief that it will make me grow taller and thus elevate my mood in the process.

9) I eat a bar of Cadbury’s chocolate before every big exam I write. Almost as if I’m swallowing the answers to the next day’s paper.

10) I have a lucky Parker Pen. I hyperventilate if I lose it. My pencil box (yes, I still keep one) is decorated with pictures of the Powerpuff girls.

11) I only read the horoscope and cartoons in the newspaper everyday. It’s a disgrace for a journalism student, and an even bigger one for someone who will be twenty.

12) At Shivajinagar, if I see my bus coming, I give a whoop of joy, push everyone out of the way and grab my favorite seat. (as opposed to a mature way of getting inside)

13) I believe that 13 is an unlucky number and I don’t like black cats. And no amount of growing up will change that attitude of mine.

14) I still shriek and run away if I see a lizard anywhere in the vicinity. (Vicinity meaning a radius of 2 kms)

15) Everytime I hear the song ‘Pehla Nasha’ or ‘Animal Song’ I smile widely and start singing along. Loudly and out of tune.

16) I can’t keep secrets. This is probably why I’m blurting out all this on worldwide web.

17) I live in my sandals and sneakers. Any pair of heels or girly chappals I’ve tried on have torn within 3 weeks of wearing them.

18) I don’t know the meaning of sesquipedalian words. I just pretend I know and smile very benignly at the speaker.

19) I giggle every time I hear Piddle, Poop or their synonyms.

20) My English literature book is filled with clouds and mountains instead of footnotes about the authors.

I want to go back in time and wake up to yesterday until I reach 1988.