Saturday, April 30, 2011

The Illusive Eyes

Illusive eyes. They peek at you from behind the bushes. They seemingly camouflage amongst the rustling leaves when you look at them. You can feel them watching over as you drink your first cup of tea in the canteen. You feel as though they laugh with you when you crack up over a joke with your friends at the 'adda'. They're always around. Sitting two rows behind you in the bus. Driving behind you as you customarily peek in the rear view mirrors at the signal. You picture them sitting in front of a screen not unlike this one, reading your every word, feeling every emotion.

Why are they illusive? Because they don't exist. But the trauma of one experience is good enough to make you believe that they do. The eyes gaze at you once, and you just know. They'll never be satiated with one glance. The eyes will return to torment you in nightmares, day-mares and probably year-mares even. They have the power to turn you into a paranoid twitcher who constantly glances over her shoulder, almost as if the eyes were to descend on this very second.

*That's* the power of being stalked. Words can never probably justify the feeling, because the eyes do the talking. You haven't seen the eyes before, maybe not in a long while, but you know that they're there somewhere. Watching.

But then again, maybe they're not. Maybe the stalker was content with one look and disappeared into oblivion. How would you tell, though? The paranoia that the stalker leaves behind as a remnant of his deed lurks about you constantly, enveloping you in a cold blanket of suspicion.

It is a strange phenomenon, stalking. Perhaps not everyone falls in the category of those people who seek voyeuristic gratification. Maybe they're simply shy to walk up and talk. Maybe they fear, or even resent, rejection. But how can one tell the difference? Once stalked, the victim pigeonholes all peeping toms into the category of treacherous villains. It isn't easy to extricate an innocuous follower from that pigeonhole, once he has been categorized. Attempts to do so would only show a momentary lapse of caution, maybe vulnerability even.

The illusive eyes fade away with time, one hopes. Maybe, just maybe, the phase is transient and the eyes find another object. Or maybe the eyes come to terms with the fact that some meetings and relationships are simply not destined to be. The Illusive Eyes that they are, the illusive eyes they'll remain.

Friday, April 8, 2011

The Blue Moon's Gone

It feels so gratifying to sign into this thing and click on 'New Post'. Do I have something to talk about? I don't know, really. But to be able to let the fingers flow freely on the laptop is a freedom I've finally found after a long long time. (F'alliteration galore!)

So what kept me busy? Lots of things. Dissertation, Birthday, Farewell, GloveDay..impromptu sleepovers, crazy cricket matches and the eggjams that are peeking at me from around the corner, seeping guilt into my heart as I type this.

So. The big D. For all the people who don't know me but randomly stumbled across this blog because you pressed the 'next' tab on the top right corner of this page, I did a thesis on Play Therapy with Street Children. Extremely gratifying, I must tell you. Not only did it improve my Hindi by leaps and bounds, but it gave me the much needed element of childhood in a life where everyone expects me to grow older. Hmpf. Thankyouverymuch, but I prefer being a kid, still.

Speaking of older, the birthday finally arrived! Began with I-M (I promise I'll come up with a better name soon!!) and Cake-Stealer bringing me cake early in the morning! Ironic, isn't it? Cake stealer bringing me cake? But 'twas fun. And the rest of the day went off pretty fantastically too. Thank you Glove for making the Twenty Three seem Old enough (ahem, my birthday gift) and Young enough (The Balloon that you all willingly let me spank your heads with.)

Speaking of Glove, we also had the Glove Day!! Imagine every conceivable girly thing you would've seen in a cotton-candy world Pajama Party. Now throw that out of the window. We had a celebration that was out of this world. From random badminton competitions to pretending to spit paan on newly painted Connaught Place pillars on a deserted Sunday, we managed to take an ordinary day and turn it into an extraordinary memory! A speshal mention to Al's super-cool parents who let us party like there was no tomorrow in her house!! And Muttley for giving us the much needed exercise. First running towards him to play with him, and then running away when he got over-excited and tried to nip your ankles.

And then came the Farewell (I don't think I'm going in any particular order, but whatever) Naaaaice it was :) 'Nuf said.

So Master's is officially over. I should really get cracking on the 'Oh, so you're a Yemmay now' post. Well, it's not officially over since I have the eggjams to devour. So yes, abrupt ending to this post that was threatening to enter a nostalgic blackhole.

Good night, Good luck, and the Moon is waning the Blue-ness! (Uh. I think that means I'm going to be more regular in posting things on this super-colourful page.)