Facebooked, line and sinker.

I'm falling hook, line and sinker into the depths of social networking sites. A bit late, you'd say? Since the train to social evolution started a couple of years ago and I seem to be boarding it on Indian Standard Time.

But what can I say? I just log in, snoop around my own homepage, log out and find other things to do. However, the past couple of months has made me intensely facebook savvy. And what have I learned from all of it?

FaceHOOK -- I've been taking those silly 10-questions-that-have-nothing-to-do-with-the-result-I'll-give-you quizzes and I'm hooked to the new aspects to my personality. (What my birthday means, Which Harry Potter Character I am, When I will meet my Prince Charming - incidentally, this Prince Charming application never even opened. *oops we cannot open this application* was the only message he sent me. Hmph.)

FaceBOND -- New aspects to other peoples' personalities. (Did you know my classmate from school was actually a seahorse in his previous life? Oh, and my friend's Italian name ought to have been Bona - which have meanings good -- and I'm using the exact grammar and spelling that was published.)

FaceSTALK -- Ok. So I have a problem with stalking/stalkers/stalkees/basically anything to do with a stalk. (including banana and lotus stalk...they make curry out of it and it tastes vile, I tell you. Absolutely vile.) And if you know me well, you know why I have a problem with stalking. But FB gives you a free license to stalk all you like anonymously. I'll admit I've used this license faaaar to many times to stalk that third cousin living it up in his 'abroad' university, or that friend of a friend of a friend who's friend was in my language class. Do I care about these people? Not really. But their completely lame privacy settings allows me a voyeuristic peek into their colourful lives. Of course, I know people might be doing the same to my profile (haha. Because I'm so fun on Facebook. I don't even know where I need to enter the 'Tell us something about yourself'). But if my profile was interesting, why would I be snooping around others' anyway?

(Oh, and a couple of months ago, this application was circulated that could tell you who exactly visited your profile and how many times. It scared me totally. I mean, I practically realized my friends list would be halved after they added the application. But it apparently was only a faux attempt at scaring fellow snoopers. Right? RIGHT?)

FaceLOOK! Pictures! It's all about the pictures. Who wore what and went where with whom is answered in all these pictures. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. For me, certain people's albums (again, bad privacy settings) is worth a couple of books - horror, comedy, drama - you name it. I can alphabetically stalk...ooops, I mean stock...them in a library for further entertainment.

FaceCROOK -- A major reason of my being an avid facebooker (dude, that makes me feel all shady and illegal like fixing profiles and betting on MafiaWars games or something...like Emran Haashmi will whip out his cellphone and fix...uh...cast me for that Bookie movie-part II) So yes, back to the topic.....why Crook? Because all kinds of people exist in the big bad web. Phony people are the BEST. I mean, recently, a RAP artist became popular because he-DA-Man. Everyone added him/linked him/messaged others about him etc. While he was fantastic (and I don't mean his looks or sense of humor here), I realized, that it is an ideal platform to create a fake world, a fake identity and fool everyone into believing how awesome you could be. But then again, are you honest in your OWN profile?

FaceFEED -- While I'd love to associate this word with gooey chocolate cake, sadly, it reminds me of the millions of notifications that pop up on my homepage everytime I log in. So a long-lost classmate has updated his relationship status as single. Am I supposed to whoop or offer my condolences on the comments part? Another old friend has become friends with 25 more people. Am I supposed to be insecure, now that she has 25 more people to keep in touch with apart from me? I mean, I know I've added you as my friend. But if I really care about your life, Don't worry. I WILL STALK YOU. Can FB stop telling me what you're upto everysinglesecondminuteandhour of your life? (It's not your fault you have such a happening life. I just wish it was happening offline)

and finally, the crux of the matter FaceSTATUS -- The one-liner that inspired a whole new social networking forum. The one-liner that tells us all what you're upto, what you're thinking/eating/wearing/doing/laughing about/crying over/seeing/drawing....oh well...you get the status.

For those who write really fun status updates...great! But my goldfish memory lets me down and I'm NEVER able to re-quote it. And for those who write all cryptic messages...no, I will not comment/like or try to decode it. I met you some 10 years back. I don't know what you even look like now (Ohwait, I do. refer FaceLOOK) so I'm not likely to understand what you mean anyway.

And yes. I tried and tried to write funny/experiential/catchy/tear-jerky/hilarious/intelligent/witty status messages...but they got interpreted all wrong. So I've just given up trying to tell the world about myself. If you care so much, just FaceSTALK (only if you're my friend. Muahaha...the one thing I DO know about Facebook is privacy settings)

So a bit late in realization (don't blame me. I was on two earlier Social sites and got off both with a bitter taste in the mouth for no fault of mine....so I've been wary this time around, ok?) but Facebook sure is addictive. But for fellow facebookers (haha...jump into the Haashmi-movie wagon), here's a FaceTIP -

DO NOT experiment with 'Relationship status'. If you were bored and you clicked on 'It's Complicated'. Facebook announces it to the WHOLEWIDEWEB that

'Vaishnavi is in a relationship and it's complicated.'(broken heart)

And then you realize what a social gaffe that could cause (since your mother and all her best friends are on your list), you frantically undo the damage and go back to having no relationship status. The result?

Vaishnavi is no longer in a complicated relationship (heart)

Sigh.

Aunty, if you're reading this and are a Facebook friend of mine, I'm single. Really.